Feeling drained

It's 10:00pm on Friday night. I should be doing the dishes or starting the 4 loads of laundry I need to do or at least be picking up some of the stuff that is all over my house. But I am tired. Very, very tired.

It's not the "get a good night sleep and you'll feel better" kind of tired. I actually am blessed with getting plenty of sleep most of the time. It's a "worn out, feeling the desperate need for a vacation but not really wanting to take one because it will put you too far behind on life" kind of tired.

In August I started a new adventure. Not only am I now working full time again, but I'm teaching first grade instead of fourth. I like it. I really do. First grade is fun. The kids are cute. They are sweet. They say things like "this Halloween is the most funnest day ever!" The curriculum is way easier. The day is much shorter and easy to fill. I get to do fun things like sing songs and do silly dances. I get to read picture books. I get hugs daily. The little boy in my class who is a total nightmare and tests my patience is the same one who tells me he loves me and wants to hold my hand when we walk to the bus. It only took me 4 hours to do report cards when it used to take me 4 days. God moved me to first grade for a good reason. I like it. It is where I am supposed to be.

But I am feeling drained. Teaching 6 year olds for 6 hours a day and taking care of my own household is draining. Totally and completely draining. Someone is always needing SOMETHING from me.

I start my days with "Mommy I want juice," "Mommy, I have poop," "What do you want the kids to wear?" "Where are the clean socks?" Before we leave I have to make sure the kids have jackets. And diapers. And food. And  blankets. And Caleb's stuffed Frog. After getting through the 17 steps it takes to get out the door, drop the kids at daycare and get to work, the moment the students walk in the classroom it's "Mrs. Lewis, I lost my snack."  "Mrs. Lewis, my finger hurts."  "My shoes's untied" "Nelson's looking at me." "Can I sharpen my pencil?" "Can I go to the bathroom?" "I said I was home lunch, but I'm really school lunch" "Do I have to do the whole page?" "I'm tired" "When's lunch?" "Can we read that book?" "Can we watch a movie?" "I'm hungry." "Did you know my birthday is in April?" "I have a dog." There are tears from at least one of them every single day. Yesterday two girls had complete meltdowns because "she walked away from me at recess."

And it doesn't stop. For 6 hours.

Then after doing lots and lots of prep for whatever is coming up in teaching first grade,  I pick up my own two kiddos. Mason is at that age when he is pulling on me most of the time. He wants to be independent, but he is only 9 months old so still needs everything done for him. Caleb is 2 1/2. Enough said. I love him more than I ever thought I could love a person, but he talks a whole lot. He asks tons of questions. Tons of sweet and cute, but also annoying questions. And he is bossy. And usually in the evenings, he is cranky.

I really do think sometimes that I will have a total break down and end up rocking myself in the corner of a dark room.

I love my kids. I love my job. I am thankful. But, I am human and I am drained.....big sigh.