A Baby Story

So let's talk about the biggest change in our lives...we have a baby on the way!

Here's that story (warning....it's long)

I have always wanted to be a mom. I'm not sure why - I never played house as a kid or have a great motherly instinct. I just have always wanted kids. One of the first things Adam and I talked about was children because not having a family has never been an option for me. Luckily he feels the same way. I can't really explain it but I have always loved my kids. I don't know who they are or when they will be here, but I love them.

Because of a series of events, Adam and I decided to wait a year or two after being married to start trying for babies. If I had it my way we would have been married when I was 23 and had babies by 25. Alas, things don't always go my way. I was already 27 by the time we were married, but it was much wiser to wait a bit until starting a family. I thought I had learned to be patient and that God's timing is perfect, what's another couple of years right?

My Mom and Grandma both had a lot of trouble getting pregnant with their first child, so in the back of my mind there was always that doubt. But reality is there is always the possiblity it can happen quickly, so we waited until we were ready. Summer of 2008. Perfect. We'll be pregnant within a few months, I won't be 30 yet, we have a house, jobs, we're ready....go!

Well, again, things don't always go as I plan. After a whole year with no pregnancies, I finally went to the doctor. The diagnosis - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Now, let me just say I am still not entirely convinced this is what I have. I have some symptoms (one of which is infertility issues), but not others. Anyway, who am I to argue with the doctors? Good thing is that with a diagnosis insurance pays for most of everything and we had a direction to go in. I will spare you all the details...but we spent a whole year doing tests, taking medications, getting shots, going through set backs, having some MAJOR frustrations and still no baby.

Along the way I had to do a lot of praying and soul searching. There were some lessons I learned and some amazing moments, like the time I was about to give up and there was a perfect rainbow right over the doctors office letting me know God keeps His promises. Or getting to talk to the many woman I met who were going through the same thing. Getting to encourage them and truly understand how they felt is a special thing. I also now know more than ever that Adam and I have amazing friends and family members who support and pray for us.

Mostly though I think I had to get to a place where I completely and totally gave this baby to God. I remember reading in 1 Samuel about Hannah crying out to God and offering her first born to Him. I prayed that prayer, along with many others. I poured my heart out and spent many nights crying myself to sleep, knowing in my head that God is in control and His timing is perfect. The hard part was convincing my heart. My sweet husband would hold me and promise me we would have a baby someday. I know it broke his heart to see me sad, so I went about my days the best I could.

God was gracious. He gave me patience and allowed me to be happy for the other woman in my life that were having little ones. Adam and I grew closer and we talked about possibilites that had never crossed our minds before. I never once felt alone and was even able to be thankful at times.

So that brings us to last summer. We had just had an IUI ( a procedure to help things along...that had failed) and I was done. Done with the medications. Done with the Doctor's appointments. Done with taking a test and having it be negative. Just done. We were about to go on a long vacation and then we would look at other options like adoption. I told Adam no medication this month and he agreed. We went on a 12 day road trip and I tried to just put babies out of my mind. When we got back from a great trip Adam was gone for another week and I kept myself busy. In July I had what I thought was my period. No baby again. Time to move to the next step.

Then came August. We were about to go camping and I wasn't feeling great. I thought "well, I should just make sure I'm not pregnant." I had taken so many tests by then, I was okay with it being negative. I peed on a stick and oh my goodness...it was positive!! No way! No medication, no doctor, didn't I have a period?? Could I actually be pregnant?! I called my sister and said "I don't know what to do!!" She couldn't believe it either. I actually went and bought another test just to make sure. Again positive instantly.

I was able to get a doctor's appointment the following week. I will never ever forget seeing the little heart beating inside me. I think I was still in shock for a few weeks, but it's true. There is a baby boy growing in my belly.

I am now 26 weeks pregnant and thinking back over the past couple of years, I am able to be thankful for the experience. I wouldn't wish infertility issues on anyone, but I learned a lot of life lessons that I don't think I would have learned otherwise. If it's possible, I feel even more grateful for this baby and for the pregnancy experience (despite all it's "fun" symptoms). As I head into the third trimester I am excited, scared, overwhelmed, anxious, but most of all - happy.



Here he is at 25 weeks. So cute already!

 As my baby boy kicks my belly, my heart is full and I can't wait for the next part of this story!