You need only to be still...

It's Friday and I am home from work - Dr's orders. Although a day off work should be enjoyable, I am feeling pretty mad/sad about it. I am home because after my OB appointment yesterday I, once again, have some pregnancy issues that need to be monitored. High blood pressure, some swelling, protein in my urine - early signs of pre-eclampsia. Not so good.

Let's go through all the testing we've had during this pregnancy shall we?

Home pregnancy test - a good one :) Super happy!

Confirmation ultrasound - unbelievable. Saw the little heart beating inside of me! Crazy excited!

2nd ultrasound at 11 weeks - awesome, looks like a baby instead of a "bean"

4 panal blood screen - NOT so good results. The gut check about becoming a mom and trusting God's plan kind of results. The bring me to my knees, crying uncontrollably kind of results. The "there's a one in 10 chance your baby has Down's syndrome" and you need to go to genetic counseling kind of results.

3rd super duper ultrasound/aminocentisis - after 10 long days, great results! Baby is fine, no down's syndrome, it's boy and he's healthy!!

Growth scan/ 4th ultrasound at 25 weeks because of orignal bad bloodwork - baby is growing...all is good....whew...

1 hour glucose blood test - bad results again. Low iron, possible diabetes.

3 hour glucose blood test - turns out all is okay. Yay.

Blood test to test for "slap cheek" - Super weird I know, but the parvo virus ("slapcheek") is going around Windsor Schools. It can be really bad for pregnant woman. The test was to find out if I've ever had it. I haven't, so we pray I won't get it.

After high blood pressure at the doctor's office, sent to the hospital for fetal monitoring, blood pressure, urine and blood check - the first time I'd been admitted to a hospital. Blood pressure went down, baby's heartbeat was great, they gave me dinner (which made Adam laugh because I was a little too excited about the cherry pie), sent home

And that brings us to today...I have to "take it easy", collect my urine all day (sorry for TMI), and go back to the hospital tonight for more monitoring.

So here's what goes through my head - What the heck is wrong with me? Am I really that much of a medical freak that I have to have soooo many tests done? Why can't things just go as planned? Do I really need to fail every test they give me, to go back and have them redone? Why can't I just be THANKFUL that everything has turned out fine? And with facing possible pre-eclampsia, why aren't I grateful to have prenatal care, insurance that covers it, an awesome support system and the knowledge that we've made it 32 weeks with a healthy baby boy? You'd think I'd learn by now to just trust and be thankful. Here's what I'm facing today. Best case scenario - everything with this "test" will be fine too. Worst case scenario with pre-eclampsia - the baby has to come out much sooner than he should. Or I will have to go on bed rest. I try to not let myself go there, but these thoughts sneak in my brain...I'm not ready. I'm scared. He's not supposed to be here until the end of March. He's still so little. We don't have a car seat or a bed for him. We don't have a name picked out. I have to get everything ready for a long term sub. If I have to be off of work for so long, how will we pay our bills? Why can't this all be easier? Aww....poor, poor complaning, pregnant me.

Then....there it is - I get out of the shower, look up at my mirror at some verses I put there and read this:

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm, and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still..." Exodus 14:13-14

Wow. Thank you Lord, for putting me in my place. I will suck it up, trust that your plans are perfect and "be still" today. Thank you for bringing us so far and thank you that you will be with us til the end.